A Caregiver’s Self-Care Includes Mental Health

     There are 3 different kinds of health:  physical health, emotional health and mental health.  Many of us like to include spiritual health as well.  This month we will focus on mental health because May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

     The term mental health still carries stigma to those who do not understand it.  I heard it said recently that “stigma is what makes you feel badly about yourself”, so it follows that mental health is a vital part of our health and well-being. Our thoughts, feelings and reactions to what life throws at us are what constitutes our mental health.

     If you’ve ever taken a day off of work or delegated your caregiving responsibility “just because”, you were contributing to yours!  At one point or another, we’ve all had something or someone that we have claimed as “driving me crazy”.

     Since 1949, the month of May has been devoted to raising awareness around mental health in an effort to demystify and mitigate misconceptions about it.  It may not be the easiest of subjects to talk about, but ignoring a problem or denying its existence doesn’t make it go away. 

     Anyone can have a temporary mental health issue. Aside from serious mental health issues, which require ongoing medical and psychological monitoring, it’s quite normal to not feel normal at times.  Even those of us whose brains are wired correctly are human, therefore subject to fear and overwhelm.

     It is most common for caregivers to experience depression, anger, resentment, and grief during the course of your caregiving journey.  All of these, and more, are components of mental health.  Refusal to acknowledge and accept these feelings as ‘normal’ is a slippery slope.  Prolonged denial of ongoing negative attitudes has a cumulative effect and can result in physical illness if not resolved.

     Mental health is often about having a healthy relationship with your care recipient.

     Feelings of guilt that you’re not doing enough or that you have to do it all yourself or it won’t be done right is a sure road to disaster.  The fact is that some care recipients are not beyond using guilt and shame as tools of manipulation to maintain the illusion that they are in control.   Being bullied into compliance will not serve to create a healthy relationship between any caregiver and caree. It’s a codependent trap; a longstanding rival of mental health. 

     Care recipients and older adults are not immune to developing mental health issues as they begin to lose their independence and sense of self.  Many carry their own guilt and shame of being a burden.  Depression, anger, resentment and grief are not uncommon reactions to having to rely on someone else for basic needs.

     “Connection” with yourself and others is the touchstone of mental health.  Healthy mental attitudes are acquired and practiced through positive and shared experiences.

     Abraham Lincoln is quoted as saying, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their mind to be”.

     Here’s to your whole health and well-being!